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bisexualpiratequeen:

I’m trying hard to live by Cat Principles.

1- I am glorious above all things
2- Eat when hungry, sleep when sleepy, play when bored
3- Affection is given and received on my terms and only mine
4- Show displeasure clearly.
5- NO
6- Demand the things you want. If they aren’t given, demand them again, but louder this time.
7- If you are touched when you don’t want to be, say so. If they continue to touch you, make them bleed.

kiss-my-aspergers:

cosmictuesdays:

witchylana:

unbuttonedinawood:

pasiphile:

fructosebat:

swanjolras:

when i find myself in times of trouble

terry pratchett comes to me

whispering sam vimes once arrested a motherfucking dragon

you are capable of literally anything

Sam Vimes once arrested two opposing armies to end a war.

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Sam Vimes fought an ancient mind-controlling spirit and won. Sam Vimes killed a werewolf with his bare hands. Sam Vimes happily wears the awful lumpy itchy socks his wife knits him. Sam Vimes causes traffic jams in order to be home in time to read his baby a bedtime story. Sam Vimes fought at the barricades— twice. Sam Vimes waited until his interviewee had left and then put his coat over his head so no one could hear him laughing hysterically at her silly name. Sam Vimes is my hero.

Sam Vimes overcame a crippling alcohol dependency. Sam Vimes examines and confronts his internal prejudices. Sam Vimes lived in poverty because he was giving his salary to the widows and orphans of fellow officers. Sam Vimes cleaned up a corrupt police force and made it inclusive of the different ethnicities in his city.

Sam Vimes is my hero too.

He turned to leave, then seemed to have a thought. “Sergeant Dorfl!” he said, turning back. “D’you think you’ll believe in gods now?”

Every eye in the Watch House turned to the golem sergeant. “Not Gods, Yet.” said Sergeant Dorfl. “But Always Sam Vimes.”

- Mister Vimes’d Go Spare

do it for the vimes

agentotter:

I just found this on Groupon and my first thought was to wonder what ‘services’ are being offered by this bending-over gentleman and my second thought was that that setup looks like a gloryhole but for your whole body. Help I’m spending too much time on the Internet. (My third thought is that he’s pretty cute and it’s frankly sad that he’s offering his ‘services’ at 50% off and no takers. Ridic.)

Who’s gonna write me a Sterek AU where the Groupon for Derek’s ninja warrior style gym is unintentionally very sexually suggestive and Stiles possibly bankrupts himself buying the entire available quantity? Bonus points if you use the tandem skydive too bc everything about this screenshot is gold.

I wish I had the time to really write this gold, but imagine Derek all proud, telling Stiles that his thing sold out in like, 15 minutes, and Stiles is secretly dying of guilt inside, because he CAN SEE THAT DEREK IS SUPER EXCITED ABOUT BEING POPULAR OR WHATEVER, AND IT’S GOING TO KILL HIM WHEN THERE ISN’T, LIKE, A HUGE CROWD SHOWING UP. Or maybe he’s excited about the money coming in, who the fuck knows, Stiles sure as hell doesn’t see what’s to be excited about when you’re SELLING YOURSELF ON THE INTERNET, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, DEREK, YOU’RE BETTER THAN THIS!

And Derek’s sad, hurt face is epic when no-one shows up but Stiles (he thought about taking the cowardly route and NOT showing up, but he couldn’t do that to Derek), and Stiles is all “YES, I BOUGHT ALL THE SLOTS, BECAUSE YOU CAN’T DO THAT, DEREK, YOU CAN’T SELL THAT!” and Derek is all pouty and “but it’s the only marketable skill I have”, and Stiles is slowly dying on the inside because wow, Derek has self-worth issues even worse than he thought. And there’s just a bunch of misunderstandings because they’re talking about different things entirely, because let’s face it, neither of these boys can communicate, and then when they realize there’s been a giant misunderstanding, they both die of shame. And then cuddle. And Stiles jokes that he’s gonna have to sell himself online to afford the money he just spent on Derek. Cue jealous werewolf sex? idk.

So my mom apparently put on one of her bras yesterday, y’know, as one is wont to do, and she was so confused, because it did not fit at all, no matter how she rearranged her boobs and whatnot, they simply did not fill the cups, and there was no support, and it was generally awful. And she could not understand how the fuck she managed to buy a bra that badly not her size, especially since she could see it was an expensive brand and everything.

Hours and hours later, after having given up on that particular bra, a thought struck her: maybe it’s not my bra.

Yep. She filched my bra off the clothesline.

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